Saturday, July 4, 2015

Confessions: Undivided

Isn't she beautiful?!?
The cafeteria was crowded, but we were walking fast.

“I don’t understand why you won’t be my best friend!”

“Well, I have lots of friends and love them all.”

My mind flashed to the stories she had told me of the mission team she grew up with, the ladies deciding to love each other equally, and how beautifully it had turned out: a group of best friends for life. I was in trouble.

Amy could not have been more different than I. I was loud, harsh, abrasive, and she was the epitome of grace and gentleness. Distinctive, Amy changed car tires with ease, drove a truck though her home in the Appalachian mountains, and drank Kenyan Chai by the gallon. I knew the moment I met her that I wanted to be her best friend.

If only I could convince her…
Survey Trip to Cambodia with Amy

I couldn’t.

Amy could divide her heart, and, in doing so, multiplied her love for others. She had opened her heart to two worlds: her childhood home in Africa and her later-years home of Tennessee. She could wear a kanga and say “you’uns” at the same time. She initially baffled me, but her divisible heart made room for me, and I count her one of the greatest blessing of my life.





I have, over the years since Amy and I have lived on different sides of the ocean, berated myself for having such a single-minded heart. What a curse!

But God knew Amy’s heart needed to be without boundaries, and mine needed a large fence to keep me in.

I was 18 here and about to leave for 6 months in Cambodia
As I go about my daily routine in our little village, I feel sadness at the thought of going on furlough or home assignment. I don’t want to go “home.” I loved Alabama, its cotton and red clay, fiercely, but my heart doesn’t divide easily. When we made a ten year commitment to Cambodia, my heart leaped from its Southern roots and settled firmly in my adoptive country. While I will never be Cambodian, I am entrenched in her culture and land.

I realize I am unusual in my feelings, but I truly believe God creates us for His purposes and plans. I can see He used my heart to keep me here through five prenatal depressions, losing our support, and moving to a village. My heart divided would not have been able to withstand the trials we have faced; therefore, I praise the Lord for His foresight and for creating me just the way He did. He used Amy to teach me to love others irrespectively but kept my heart united and focused on the ministry He gave me when I was only sixteen.

How have you seen God mold you through your interactions with others? In turn, how have you seen God use the unique qualities He gave you for His purposes?

1 Corinthians 12:4-6
Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit. And there are varieties of ministries, and the same Lord. There are varieties of effects, but the same God who works all things in all persons.

7 comments:

  1. Amen! I'm right with you. If I were to answer honestly and in a thought-out manner when people ask what's hard about this life, I would say that the biggest challenge is trying to live with one foot in each world. I think I must have been made more for the old days, when missionaries went to the field and never looked back.

    (I just found your blog, and now I have to look around. Prenatal depression? I've been through that, too.)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Amen! I'm right with you. If I were to answer honestly and in a thought-out manner when people ask what's hard about this life, I would say that the biggest challenge is trying to live with one foot in each world. I think I must have been made more for the old days, when missionaries went to the field and never looked back.

    (I just found your blog, and now I have to look around. Prenatal depression? I've been through that, too.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome, Phyllis! I'm glad I'm not the only one. How long have you been on the field? I sure hate to hear about the depression. How are you doing now?

      Delete
    2. We're been on the field for almost 14 years. And I'm doing fine now, even with war going on in our country.

      Delete
    3. I just realized who you were, Phyllis! I'm so glad to hear you are still well despite the war. It sure is hard to understand what is going on over there from the news coverage. May God give you and the church there peace.

      Delete
  3. Wonderful thoughts! Found you from Raising Homemakers!

    ReplyDelete