Repetitive Worship Songs: The Call for Depth

The path is beaten, worn over what I assume has been decades. Its hardness is thanks to those who continually traverse this stretch between two villages. At times the way becomes treacherously narrow. As the rice grows and when the rains fail, the villagers pump water from the river on its north side into the thirsty fields. The water then flows back north to the river creating deep sink holes that could engulf a cow or two. But the road is firm, the ground solid because people keep walking.

Repetition solidifies. 

The beautiful words and harmonies of "O Sacred Head" are blended into my childhood memories, my mother's beautiful alto voice paired with mine. I feel like I should be someone who loves hymns. I'm traditional, conservative. While hymns are beautiful and encourage me in my doctrine and faith, that learned in simplicity and repetition holds me through trials. While the depth and breadth of hymns leads me to contemplation, one word or phrase deep in meaning because of pondering, prayer, and repetition encourage me day in and day out.

I love the "shallow" worship songs most of my friends disdain. 

The richness of repetition with prayer, the ease of meditating on one word or phrase, the chance to praise God for what He has done in my life and the lives of others each collide as I sing "simple" songs in corporate worship (and watch others sing):

There is power in the name of Jesus - This is truth.

There is power in the name of Jesus - I never thought I would break that sinful habit, but thank You, Lord, for breaking it for me!

There is power in the name of Jesus - "Look around you, kids. See how many people know this to be true.

To break every chain - freedom from addiction

To break every chain - freedom from past hurts

To break every chain - sin and death have no power over me. I'm so grateful, Lord!

To break every chain - Break the chain of pornography in his life, Lord.

To break every chain - Thank You for freeing her from her past, Father, for being the Father she needed and giving her children the chance to end that terrible cycle of abuse.

To break every chain - Help this child to know you can break EVERY chain, God.

There is power, wonder-working power, in His Name - We, your church, your bride, have known this truth throughout the ages. Thank you, Lord, for the hymns of the past.





Below are some articles and blogs on this subject that I found helpful

http://www.genesis-umc.org/web/2013/06/06/why-are-contemporary-worship-songs-so-repetetive/ 

http://www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/justintaylor/2014/02/11/annoying-things-in-worship-songs/

http://weleadworship.com/are-you-too-repetitive.htmlhttp://younganddevoted.com/2014/02/28/a-critique-of-modern-worship-music-criticism/ 

Join the Conversation about Shame!

Come on over to Velvet Ashes today and join in the conversation on this week's topic: SHAME

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Hallelujah - Not Just Another Hebrew Word

My wonderful husband often remarks on how amazing it is while taking communion with the church to think about how many people, that very day, possibly that very moment, are communing together in celebration, remembering our Redeemer. In this stage of ministry, teaching at preaching points on Sundays and taking our kids to international Sunday school for some English and time with kiddos who are taught basic, wonderful Christian principles (like thou shalt not hit thy younger peer with a stick for annoying you), we have desperately missed the weekly communion that is our tradition. We cannot wait to celebrate weekly again with, Lord willing, Khmer believers and (Lord willing in just 11 months!) our teammates! What a privilege and joy to be a part of something so sacred, something so communal, something that has become timeless.

Reading over at Like A Warm Cup of Coffee, I have been meditating on the words I use and the words I think - the latter of which seems to be in need of a dire shot of grace from the Lord. Missing communion and pondering words, Our Father brought me some encouragement today as I sang little Bible songs with the girls on a fun moto drive around the back roads of our neighborhood:

"God is so good - Hallelujah!
God is so good - Hallelujah!
God is so good. He's so good to me!"

Ok. ok. So we sing the Kenyan version. We find it much more fitting for our "African" member of the family.


But it was the word "hallelujah" that squeezed my heart as we sang. How many believers of the Way have uttered that word over the years? How many today? How many will tomorrow? I am saying (or singing, in this case) a word that has passed through the lips of my brothers and sisters of ages past who are now shouting it before the throne of Jesus in eternal worship with eternal joy.


In Cambodia, I struggle with the urge to use common language instead of king language when talking about our faith. Cambodians need to know that God is Abba Father. I have no doubt their struggle in belief will not be a struggle to fear but a struggle to know love, His love for them personally. In my naivete and youthful enthusiasm, I have considered throwing out all Hebrew words that don't have meaning to our dear Khmer people and, often, to our dear American friends.


But how can I steal the opportunity for them to join in the chorus that started in His time, in His day, when He fulfilled the hope of man and the desire of God?


I won't.


I'm ready to say, sing, and shout HALLELUJAH with the cloud of witnesses past, present, and future, communing with them in praise and adoration.

Wisdom from 1850

Father, I know that all my life
Is portioned out for me,
And the changes that are sure to come
I do not fear to see;

I ask Thee for a present mind,

Intent on pleasing Thee.

I would not have the restless will
That hurries to and fro,
Seeking for some great thing to do
Or secret thing to know;
I would be treated as a child
And guided where I go.

Wherever in the world I am,
In whatsoever estate,
I have a fellowship with hearts
To keep and cultivate .

Anna L. Warring

Oh, That Pride...

Growing up, I always thought I was destined to do something great. After writing my first book by the age of 10 (it was all of ten pages long), I figured writing would be my glory. Age 16 brought dreams of being a pioneer missionary in Cambodia. Pioneer missionary is now out since so many more had come before we arrived – including the Lord! That leaves writing. Just yesterday I was daydreaming about a book idea that would make me a best-selling author. I pictured myself becoming the next Beth Moore, encouraging women around the world to glorify God through their lives.

My cheeks are burning with embarrassment as I write this. Am I really putting this information out on the world wide web for anyone to read???

In a flash of light that only comes with great epiphanies, I envisioned myself trying to write this book dressed in clothes caked with sweat and spit up, a baby nursing on one side, a toddler pulling on the other arm begging for me to come help her change her doll’s diaper, and a yet another youngster asking me what I am doing (over and over and over again, as young ones often do). Hmmm…

Pride. I am have pride. Maybe I could do all kinds of great things, but God knows I have pride. As soon as I start to lose weight, I start looking down my nose at others who are overweight. And when I have great breakthroughs of understanding deep in my soul, I wonder why in the world so-in-so doesn’t quite get the concept.

No, I don’t think I will ever be the next Beth Moore. God has begun growing our family, and we are willing to keep growing in His will, even though we once, not so long ago, dreamed of being empty-nesters in our early 40s. But praise the Lord! He has given me a calling in motherhood that will be virtually insignificant to anyone but my babies and husband. Any great achievements in my home’s realm will be known to no one but myself. But praise the Lord! I can only empathize with other mothers. I can have no pride because short comings, selfishness, and weakness are very evident and at the forefront of my mind every moment of every day.

My life is not about being the next big thing, – even though my pride still wants that – but it’s about sanctification. Thankfully, God will take care of that. He’s taking care of purifying me even right now as I know I need to go turn off the movie the kids are watching even though I’d much rather dream about who will read my blog. Ugh! Ok, so there is obviously more work to be done.

But, He’ll do it. He’ll do it for me, and He’ll do it for you. Amen. 

Casey

 

Are Christians Different?

I was talking with my neighbor the other day when she asked me whether I go to church or not. I got the picture, but the word she used for church was "wat," the same word for Buddhist temples here in Cambodia. Our conversation continued, and what I soon discovered was that my friend saw very little difference between Christians and Buddhists.

We have a holy place where we worship God
We do good deeds in front of others (think Christian NGO Landcruisers driving around with what they do written in big letters on the side of the vehicle)
We set other Christians on pedestals (think the pastor or preacher or worship team or the missionary =) )

Our "temples,our "merit (good deeds, especially when seen by others)", our "monks" are such a hindrance to the spread of Christ's hope and salvation. Not to say that there are not even more hindrances because of how we conform to the world, but these are just some biggies here, things Chris and I and the church (God's people who meet together) are trying to rethink - rethink, as in, rediscover from the churches in the Bible. I hope we can shine brightly to our neighbors and that they can see the difference which is the Lordship of Christ and not culture.

Being in Cambodia has led me to exam so may things in my heart: To wonder if I really am different, to wonder why the world does not really see me as radical. I have started desiring to have confirmation that I am, indeed, really a Christian like Jesus calls me to be - in the world but not of it. I am finding that I have so much growing to do, so many cultural chains to throw off. I'm excited, a bit scared, but I want to be different...I long to be like Christ and not like America.

So, the first issue I have felt God leading me to deal with is family. Although I never realized it, I saw children as a burden, often an inconvenience. Now, God has reshaped me and shown me they are an unqualified blessing. After our first son joins us this summer, I plan to seek God's will on why we should NOT have another child, not why should we? What I mean is, I want to accept God's blessings from Him. I don't want to use birth control for selfish or worldly reasons or even many of the reasons I have heard from Christian friends. But this is all better suited for another post...

Why Am I Not Like Her?

Today I drug myself through each activity: dip bath with water warmed over the stovetop (it's cold these days!), fed this child, changed that diaper...It really was just a normal day. I am battling an infection and am now on antibiotics, so I took sometime tonight and let Maggie (also infected) to watch Dora. While she was watching, I got on Facebook and then a friend's blog. She talked about the garden they had planted, the farmer's market baskets she'd received and how she was going to cook the produce, the books they are reading. I looked around my semi-messy, unorganized since the last time we rearranged (in order to get more organized =) )house and at my girls who were about to go to bed without a bath because I was just too tired to do it. I thought about the precious little I have done these past weeks, and it hit me: Who am I? I'm certainly not who I planned or hoped to be. I am not like my blogging friend.

I am not, by nature (or maybe environment)energetic. I am not in any way skilled at homemaking, and, although I try, child-rearing comes neither naturally nor easily. I struggle to be healthy and often fail. I struggle to look nice, but often lack the desire or energy to be more than just clean. I have so many dreams - even just small ones like organizing the book shelf in our bedroom/office - that have been and probably will be left undone for quite a while.

I think, at the ripe old age of 25, I am going through a bit of a mid-life crisis. A steady "career" with no end in sight, a nearly 5-year-old marriage, a body shaped by 2.5 kiddos - it has to be a mid-life crisis... Or maybe it's just life...

Tomorrow's another day, right? I'll get up again, try again, win some and lose some. The Khmer word is "Toe-madah." Well, I am toe-madah. I guess that is an ok place to be from time to time. I just hope the time for the energetic, go-getting, happily busy Casey is not too far away.

So This is What Furlough is Like

This is my first furlough experience. I have always heard
how crazy it can be, but nothing prepared me for the constant travel, meetings,
and smiling that are just part of this very important item in the missionary
job description. My face and bum hurt!

In all seriousness, our “fundraising furlough” has been a
much bigger blessing than I ever could have expected. An unexpected blessing
has been seeing the beautiful country that is our homeland. God’s artistry in
creation has filled my heart with renewed awe, and that awe revitalizes my soul
which is weary from being homeless. God’s heart is my home, and seeing all He
has made from His heart makes me feel at home on the interstates and highways
of this great country.

Another blessing has been seeing so many of our wonderful
family members. Growing up so close to at least my mother’s side of the family
made me treasure familial relationship. Marrying into such an amazing family,
these visits have made family feel close even though hundreds and one day
thousands of miles will separate us.

We have been in so many of our dear supporters homes. I am
so amazed by their generosity and hospitality. I would love to mention each of
their names, but I know their reward is in Heaven. They would have it no other
way. We are sweetly indebted to these precious people. What a blessing to share
with them all they are helping us do in God’s work in Asia.

Culture Shock in Thailand

     Having traveled my fair share now, I was unprepared for the culture shock that hit me like a tsunami once we arrived in Chiang Mai. After a really great traveling experience all the way the Bangkok, we were kicked off our flight to Chiang Mai because I was too pregnant and needed a doctor's note in order to fly. Poor Maggie was exhausted (and so was her mama!), but we has to rush through the airport to go to a clinic, get a check up, then make the next flight. Now, for those of you who have not traveled with children, boarding a plane with a bunch of people pushing to get the seat they want while you are just trying to stay upright with a big belly, a baby on one hip, and your carry-ons precariously balanced on both shoulders makes for a pretty horrible experience. Add three previous days of travel to that, and exhaustion turns into a kind of anger and frustration that are the perfect set-up for culture shock.
     Upon arrival, I quickly learned that Thailand only remotely resembles Cambodia, I could not communicate with anyone, and settling in would be much more difficult than I had anticipated. Days of tears and frustration ensued. I would not try out speaking in Thai and constantly complained to my poor husband.
     Looking back now, I see things went very smoothly and quickly. We now have a house, a car (kind of...it is a piece of work!), and a schedule full of wonderful activities. I praise God that the extreme culture shock I experienced did not last very long. He has been our provision, and I know He will continue to be. Please pray for me to grow in my trust of him, and pray for our continued transition here in Chiang Mai.

After Our First Year

Our first year in ministry has been a difficult, but we have grown so
much and learned many thing we need to learn but did not expect to
learn. We now feel God leading us in a different direction toward our
goal of ministering in Cambodia. We plan on moving to Thailand, Lord
willing, in March of next year and completing an apprenticeship with
the Chiang Mai. We feel this is the best training we can receive for
Cambodia. Please be in prayer for us as this changes our relationship
with our current sponsoring church and affects our plans for having
baby number 2.

You're Not as Important as You Think You Are

During our preparation we heard so many discouraging comments like, “We love you, but if you decide not to work with us, it won’t be a big deal” and were asked questions like “Where are you going again?” and “Now, I know I’ve met you, but who are you?” We had big dreams of what a sponsoring congregation would be like. We thought our ministry to Cambodia would be promoted, that we’d be a huge part of the church during our initial stay and that people would never forget us (especially while we were working with the church)! We soon learned that our expectations had been terribly wrong. People have their own lives. Do not expect them to get very wrapped up in yours. Churches have so many things going. Do not expect to be what’s going on. You will be forgotten. You will be overlooked. You will NOT be the center of attention. Work hard at building good relationships, go about your ministry and preparation, and seek to receive affirmation solely from God. With those godly expectations, you will not be disappointed.

Another aspect of this idea is the fact that you are such a small part of a person’s decision to follow Christ. God has been working on each individual from the day they were born (and even before!), and you are just a part of His plan. He gives each person so many chances to know and find Him. You are one of those chances. It is important to realize that it is not about saying the most persuasive thing in the best, most eloquent way. Your job is speaking as God directs, approaching people as God guides you, and trusting that He loves and cares about that person so much more than you do. You might have the most convincing argument for Christ, but if that person’s heart is hard, nothing you say will hit home. God is responsible for that person, and you are responsible to God. Concern yourself with preparing to talk with others, but spend much more time seeking a deeper relationship with the Lord and asking for and listening to His voice and direction.

This idea transfers, I think, to the mission field. It matters not how many baptisms you had this month. You cannot be held responsible for someone’s personal decision. You must work hard to reach as many as you can, to love deeply each soul you come in contact with. Do not, however, lay the burden of a person’s decision to convert on your own training, persuasiveness, or ability. As always, trust in God and what He is doing in that person, not in yourself.

Picture from www.bettyladuke.com

If You Say "Stay"

I Timothy 1:3-4

The need for American Christians to step up and reach out to our fellow Americans is greater than ever...and more difficult. I found it very interesting in these two verses that Paul urges Timothy to stay to correct. During our stay here, our outreach has been focused on believers because there are so many! Though we hate judging, though we hate to be confrontational, it is very clear, at least in Timothy's case, that correction was in order. We have God's Word to teach from. It is not our own. Let's share it fully and without shame for the purpose of salvation and correction.

Jesus is "Bigger"'

I Timothy 1:1-2

At our small group one night we discussed the concept of Jesus being “bigger” than we imagine Him. These opening verses describe Him as just that: our hope. We need not worry about the future because He is. We need not try and control our lives because He is. We need not sorrow beyond comfort because He is. He gives all we need: grace, mercy, and peace. At the writing of this little journal, I am in the midst of one of the greatest struggles of my short lifetime. Oddly enough, my spirit seems to hold out in hope. Peace seeps slowly into my soul despite my bitterness and rebellion. As his child, He will
be (and already is) all I need because that is who He is. October 31, 2007

From the English Major

Chris and I have had the wonderful opportunity here at Central to READ! It has been so wonderful to not only learn through watching others and through hands-on experiences, but to also learn through reading. I just have a few books I would like to recommend and tell you a little about. Some of them have been so helpful while others have been just plain enjoyable!

1) Every Heart Restored: A Wife's Guide to Healing in the Wake of a Husband's Sexual Sin by Fred and Brenda Stoeker (Fred co-authored Every Man's Battle)

This is a one of a kind book that talks about healing we all need regardless of if we have experienced the pain of a husband's sexual sin. For those of us who have (and I know that is the vast majority of women), this book is a gift from the Lord to us from a woman who's been through it.

I highly recommend this book for ALL women, married or unmarried. We are going to face this issue. It is being forced upon us, and as Christian women we must be prepared to stand and fight and glorify God.

2) The Marriage Builder by Dr. Larry Crabb

This is an amazing marriage book that talks about the main purpose of marriage: glorifying God! The main point is that marriage is for our own growth, our growth closer to God. It has some wonderful information.

3) Sharing Jesus in the Buddhist World edited by David Lin and Steve Spaulding

This book is heavier reading, but has some amazing and insightful information about Buddhism and teaching Buddhists. I highly recommend it if you are interested in ministering to the Buddhist world.

4) The Strong-Willed Wife: Using Your Personality to Honor God and Your Husband by Dr. Debbie Cherry

I don't think has been a time in my life where I have thought that my personality was worthwhile. In fact, I have often felt that my strong-will was not a gift from God but closer to a curse. This book has given me a new, yet Biblical, perspective on the strong-willed wife. I feel like I have grown so much closer to what God has been trying to mold me into because of what I learned from this book. If you think you have a strong-will (we usually know it!), then this is the book for you!

5) Leap of Faith: A memoir of an Unexpected Life by Queen Noor

This autobiography is a very interesting saga about an American who marries the King of Jordan. It provides an interesting viewpoint of recent political events as well as what you normally learn from memoirs: the same things the person living them learned.

6) An Enduring Love: My Life with the Shah by Farah Pahlavi

This is also quite an interesting story of the Shahs who were eventually ousted by the Islamic revolution in Iran.

7) Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer

Though peppered with crude language and somewhat offensive, this book is an interesting story of a boy who graduated from Emory, gave all his money to charity, and was found dead from starvation in the Alaskan wilderness. It is a very detailed account of his person and describes an acted-upon longing I often have: to go into the wild.

8) In Search of Fatima: A Palestinian Story by Ghada Karmi

With the politics of Palestine all over the news, I am very interested to read more from the "other" side. This book is the account of a family ousted by Zionists in 1948. The last page of the book left me quaking in my boots. . .but I won't ruin it for you!

9) A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael by Elisabeth Elliot

An amazing story of what a single woman did in India. I often felt myself arguing with Amy's reasoning and actions, but this story is challenging in the way so many missionary biographies are.

10) For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women and For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men by Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn

Two of the best marriage books we've read! Chris and I read these together and enjoyed every minute. We took forever to finish them because each idea presented left us discussing it for days! I highly recommend these books for newlyweds especially.

11) Give Joy to My Youth: A Memoir of Dr. Tom Dooley by Teresa Gallagher

I was angry to the last page with this book. I am always amazed at who we honor in this world. . . but I'll leave it up to you if you find the man who inspired the Peace Corps worthy of honor or not.

Bittersweet Morning

As is my habit, I was walking yesterday morning. On this particular day, I felt the almost imperceptible shift in the air toward Autumn, my most beloved season. It thrilled me to have felt that hint of coolness, and my mind soared back in time to the many beautiful Autumns I have been blessed to spend in the United States. With the memories, however, also came a hint of sadness. I do not know when I will feel this wonderful, seasonal change again. I realized what a treasure it was for me, and I realized that I am leaving it behind soon. The "fighting" to get to Cambodia, the challenging new experiences in Alabama, and the excitement of dreaming have now faded into the past, and reality has slowly set in. The picture of what our life will be like and the changes that will take place is more clear much like the sky in Fall. But, we are ready. God has prepared us, and we will go filled with joy.
Please pray with me today for missionaries living overseas. They have left behind so much more than the changing of the seasons.

At the Crossroads

In the sweet group of women who began meeting at Harding, the main stumbling block we faced from Satan was that of clarity: What should my major be, who should I marry, and should I be a missionary in Africa or Asia? I struggled as much as any woman there. I just read a wonderful article about being at the crossroads. It talks about Jeremiah 16:16 which says,

"Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask for where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls."

I thought after college, after marriage, after baby, and after getting a supporting church that my crossroads times would be over. That has not been the case, of course, and I face a great crossroads this very day. My prayer is that you will seek the Lord and His wisdom at each intersection.

Love Always Hopes

I read those three words on a church sign not too long ago, and they have revolutionized the way I think about God. My marriage has been most affected by those words, and, out of our struggles, I am hoping to share the message that Love always hopes to Christian women (both married and single).

Pornography is has swept into our churches. It is killing our families and destroying our witness to the world. Our men's ignorance has been helped by books like "Every Man's Battle" and others, but women seem to only be part of the problem, critical judges or devastated victims. God has placed on my heart the desire to share this urgent message with His women: We must fight or lose all of our dreams for joyful, godly marriages.


Can you join my in prayer today for marriages among our Christian family?

A Former Cambodian Student Writes...

My former English student who moved to the States a few years ago writes:

Hi Casey
Thanks for your email. How is everything with you and your baby? You seem very happy, but for me, I feel so upsad. You know what I really don't know why do I want to come to US? I think I made a wrong decision. Because since I was in US I usually sad and I feel so lonely. Sometimes I want to tell someone that I can truth about my story but I can't. You know I really want to rent apartment and live alone, but I can't do that. Now I am living with my sister, brother in law, and his family. Sometimes when I am sad I can't tell anybody about my story so I just cry and cry. Casey I feel jealou with you, you having a good family and a good husband. I don't really know when will my life like your? I don't know what to do now? You are the only person that I tell my story to. Casey, I really miss you and remember a good time that we had together in Cambodia. I really hope we have that good time again.
Ok,Casey mail to me sometimes.
Love,***

Please be in prayer for my friend. She is not a Christian.

A Call to Arms!

On my prayer "walk" (I drive) today, I found myself understanding in a new way those great verses in Romans: "How shall they believe...?" and "How shall they hear...?" As I parked in the lot beside the Adult Video store and the Silver Dollar Showclub, my heart begged the Redeemer to redeem those caught up in this awful slavery of selfishness, lust, and destruction of what God has made good. The Spirit, however, moved me to pray more fervently for workers. Where are those who God has prepared in special ways to reach the dancers and the ensnared men? Where are those who will reach the hundreds of Latter-day "Saints" in this city? And who is it who will minister to the those who went to prayer today at the Huntsville Islamic Center? What Christian will teach the servers at Hooters that God's attention and love will fulfill them more than the attention they are getting at work?

I ask you, on behalf of the living dead, the unsaved, to consider coming here and serving among a lost people group.

If you do not feel called to Huntsville, Alabama, I ask you next to consider serving these people groups in your community.

If you feel God leading you to serve in another way or to serve another people, I ask you to dedicate your Fridays to either both or one of the following: Prayer for these people groups or fasting for these people groups.

May God raise up His church to serve the lost in Huntsville, in you community, and all around the world!

Fighting Fear

When we visited Harding the Friday of Spring Sing weekend, we were pleasantly surprised to hear Dr. Monte Cox speaking during chapel. He spoke about faith in Christ, faith when we don't understand, faith at all times regardless of what type of person you are. He made a comment which brought tears to my eyes. "I don't like what Jesus says about marriage in heaven. When we die, I want Beth (my wife) to be Beth...but I must trust Jesus." From the time Chris and I married (over two years ago, wow!) this very part of scripture has been a test of my faith. Quite naturally, I feared his death. I wanted him with me always. What if, after a lifetime of ever-deepening love and relationship, we don't even know each other in heaven? Will he be just another spirit to me and I to him? I've poured out my heart to my beloved Chris and to my dear friend Amy on several occasions, and they have met me with the same answer Monte provided: Jesus.

If I believe Jesus is who he says He is, I must trust that heaven and all those blessed people there will be more beautiful, more wonderful, more full of love than we are here on earth. If I trust Him, I can know that heaven is a place I want to be, a place full of those I love, a place of wonderful relationships.

I do not know the answers to my fears. I cannot rationally explain them away. The hard and difficult answer is all that Jesus provides: Himself. I urge you, sisters, to not give up the fight against your fears because it is a fight for Jesus. In fighting for Him you will not be overcome by fear of car wrecks (a personal struggle for me), of death, nor of pain. Never allow yourself to mentally give in. Stay strong; fight!