Growing up, I always thought I was destined to do something great. After writing my first book by the age of 10 (it was all of ten pages long), I figured writing would be my glory. Age 16 brought dreams of being a pioneer missionary in Cambodia. Pioneer missionary is now out since so many more had come before we arrived – including the Lord! That leaves writing. Just yesterday I was daydreaming about a book idea that would make me a best-selling author. I pictured myself becoming the next Beth Moore, encouraging women around the world to glorify God through their lives.
My cheeks are burning with embarrassment as I write this. Am I really putting this information out on the world wide web for anyone to read???
In a flash of light that only comes with great epiphanies, I envisioned myself trying to write this book dressed in clothes caked with sweat and spit up, a baby nursing on one side, a toddler pulling on the other arm begging for me to come help her change her doll’s diaper, and a yet another youngster asking me what I am doing (over and over and over again, as young ones often do). Hmmm…
Pride. I am have pride. Maybe I could do all kinds of great things, but God knows I have pride. As soon as I start to lose weight, I start looking down my nose at others who are overweight. And when I have great breakthroughs of understanding deep in my soul, I wonder why in the world so-in-so doesn’t quite get the concept.
No, I don’t think I will ever be the next Beth Moore. God has begun growing our family, and we are willing to keep growing in His will, even though we once, not so long ago, dreamed of being empty-nesters in our early 40s. But praise the Lord! He has given me a calling in motherhood that will be virtually insignificant to anyone but my babies and husband. Any great achievements in my home’s realm will be known to no one but myself. But praise the Lord! I can only empathize with other mothers. I can have no pride because short comings, selfishness, and weakness are very evident and at the forefront of my mind every moment of every day.
My life is not about being the next big thing, – even though my pride still wants that – but it’s about sanctification. Thankfully, God will take care of that. He’s taking care of purifying me even right now as I know I need to go turn off the movie the kids are watching even though I’d much rather dream about who will read my blog. Ugh! Ok, so there is obviously more work to be done.
But, He’ll do it. He’ll do it for me, and He’ll do it for you. Amen.