Monday, November 10, 2014

Life in Community: His Great Love

I'm sitting in bed now, head pounding from crying and dehydration. Every once in a while I lean over to swipe a bug away from my baby's sweating body. Her cloth diaper makes her look disproportionate, but neither oversized diaper nor heavy layer of dust and grime can hide her beauty.  Her preciousness brings a smile to my face: another mercy from an ever-present Father.

Fatigue has overtaken my body tonight, and I am praying for renewed strength tomorrow in the midst of this epic battle we are currently encountering.  The fighting closely resembles a ping-pong match: one for Satan, one for the Lord.  The victor, however, is already apparent. God, despite our frailty, has not allowed our hearts to be overcome.

I have felt literally faint for about two weeks now. I have nightmares of dropping said baby as I lose conscienceness. Who knew such little stresses could add up to a mountain of self-doubt?

Dreaming of washing machines, dishwashers, actual sinks, and scorpion-less toilet paper rolls, I, my true self not my monthly-newsletter-self, am ready to willingly sink under the wave of giving up. Yet, He will not let me.

He truly will not let me.

I am finding, as He loves me trudging through larvae-filled diapers, thieves, and stomach ulcers, He loves them ever so fiercely.

The them who speak love and empathy to me, who despite fatigue from the harvest offer help to me. He will not let me, such an imperfect and inadequate tool, go because He is not willing to let them go.

"Each time He said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me."

No comments:

Post a Comment