Friday, February 20, 2009

Pride, Persistance, and Time

I felt...well...just wonderful when we came back from Thailand. One of the biggest contributing factors was my weight. I weighed less than I had in a long time. I really felt good and felt like I looked good. Looking back, I can see now how prideful I was. I have a confession: I felt superior to many people. Sure, I didn't feel that way all the time, but I did feel that way. God gave a blessing, let's even call it a responsibility, and I blew it. God took my figure My pride is destroyed, and my shame is daily.

As Maggie grows older, we add responsibilities to her daily life. If she handles the responsibility well, we add more responsibilities. She feel empowered and has more freedom. It's really quite exciting. If she does not handle the responsibility well, we take it away for a time and give her another try later.

I have been typing my hand-written journal from 2000, and I came across an entry that talked about a sin struggle I had had as a child and young adult. I wrote how powerless I felt to change, how often I failed, how many times I promised God I was finished with it. Then it hit me, I don't struggle with it anymore. I don't feel tempted to struggle with it anymore.

I see it all: the sin, the given responsibility, the sin again....then the freedom. I pray that with all my sins, with all my struggles, that God make me first learn the lesson(s) I need learn (no matter how long it takes) then remove or lessen the struggle. Finally, I pray for and hope for complete victory not the despair of a lifelong struggle. Regardless, I pray that my heart will view discipline for the Lord and sin struggles as lessons. I hope to glorify God through learning those lessons and celebrating His victories.

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