My wonderful man gave me 3.5 hours off today to complete some much needed tasks: getting a haircut, buying a highchair, grocery shopping at a store a good distance from our house, fixing my exercise bike, getting a shirt altered and a patch for some pretty worn jeans. Whew! What an afternoon, but nothing compares to a small bit of conversation I had with a dear elderly woman at my friend, the seamstress', house.
First, some background. We attended Rady's (the seamstress) wedding our first year in Cambodia. Upon meeting her, she had quickly asked me to clarify some things she had heard about Jesus. We've had wonderful, religious conversations ever since. After a Khmer woman marries, everyone holds their breath until she gets pregnant. The longer the wait, the more time the husband has to consider taking on a mistress, which many often do regardless. Rady's grandmother, a beautiful woman who I love dearly, began going daily to the wat to make merit for Rady. She once even offered me the fruit she had received from the monks which was supposed to offer health and fertility. I declined, telling them I did not believe in its power.
After that conversation, I felt God calling me to wage a war, telling Rady that she would have a baby boy from God in His timing since He is the Author of life. I couldn't do it. I had no faith and was fearful; if she has a girl or does not get pregnant she will never believe in Christ, right? Well...
God does not let His plans be hindered! Rady told me she was pregnant today. I told her I had been praying she would have a baby boy. Right after I told her that, her grandmother came up and told me she would have a girl (she had not heard my comment). Rady informed grandma that I said she would have a boy. I have a feeling Rady sees the spiritual implications of this: the Christian versus the Buddhist.
...and, boy, am I scared! I can't believe the pit in my stomach! Where is my faith? God has forced my hand, and now I am even more fearful. I find myself asking, "Who will prevail in this "war": the spirits or God?"
This situation is among many that have cut me to my heart since we have been in Cambodia. Do I really believe in God's power? Do I believe He did all the miracles the Bible says He did? Do I believe God still has power today?
Yes. Quaking in my boots and wondering what is going to happen with the baby (and how many more weeks until we can find out?!?!?), I believe - somewhere in my heart of hearts.