A scene from the movie Braveheart (which I cannot in good conscience recommend to anyone, by the way) shows the hero being tortured and given every opportunity to ask for mercy. He refuses, even in great pain, even when the crowd is chanting for it.
How I wish was brave at heart, stronger than physical or emotional distress. But the truth is and will always be for all of us
I am weak, and He is strong.
Our Father in Heaven promises His strength. Maybe it is semantics, but I have found such rest in my soul finally understanding that He has never promised to make me strong - only to be strong for me.
God has given us a new home and a whole new sector of society to minister to. Chris is, in fact, overwhelmed by all God has laid before him in the past months. The home, however, has changed my life in Cambodia. I can breathe! I even paused on the street the other day, took a deep, contented breath, and wondered how in the world I had functioned the past few years without such a wonderful moment.
Yes. His mercy for me in this season has been mostly in the physical realm - air conditioning in the part of our house that we do the most living, a safe street in front of our house complete with beautiful plants, friends for my children to play with who do not hit them or scream at them, and a guard I can call for help if ever I have need. The grocery stores are close by, the hospital just a few minutes away (and there is an ambulance!). Our neighbors are all wealthier than we are, so there is no barrier in friendship (except they all know my husband comes home to me at night, whereas theirs is out drinking or otherwise...).
We had to make some hard choices in accepting God's mercies like moving 30 minutes away from our precious neighbors and our newly arrived teammates (who blessed us so much with understanding our need to move). We had to throw in the towel and give up our desire to at least appear like super-missionaries.We are, however, so glad to accept this season of rest as a gift from a loving Father. He has grown us through the hard times that have seemed constant since we began this journey to Cambodia six years ago. It is so good to simply rest and enjoy Him, live our lives without striving just to survive another day.
Because it really is better to toss the "Amazing" badge for the "Weak" one. I am wearing "WEAK" proudly now in my 30 degree Celsius living room with the children tumbling in panting heavily from a good bike ride with friends. Accepting His mercy and the vehicle in which it comes can be humbling, embarassing, but I encourage you to bow you head in thanks and open your hands in gratitude when He reaches down to help you.