Sunday, January 19, 2014

My Little Secret - Introduction

I have been reading Richard Foster's amazing book, Celebration of Discipline.  As a good friend once told me, "Eat the meat and spit out the bones" with any book, but, my, this book has so much meat! The chapter I just read speaks about our desire to create and maintain a good reputation for ourselves. Being a "go against the flow kind" kind of girl, I truly thought I did not struggle in this area of life.

Yes. That was the wall of my bedroom in high school. I wanted it to look like mud...

Becoming a church-supported, newsletter-writing missionary changed all that. I began to feel like I could not share my struggles with others because they would stop supporting us, not understand, or think I was unqualified to serve in this capacity. On the other hand, I began to feel like I needed to share  struggles because if I didn't, people would think we weren't really sacrificing like REAL missionaries do.


I couldn't share too much. I had to make sure that in the sharing I ended on a positive note, one that left the person I was talking to inspired by my apparent amazingness in the face of such hardship. One that left that person impressed-
"Perfect"mother image!

not prayerful...
not supportive in the true sense of the word...

Now, after almost 5 years on the field, I am have felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to share a little secret I have been hiding

-Because I am more worried about how this will reflect on me and not how I can encourage and help others who might have dealt with this
-Because I don't want to admit to struggling with something that is hard to understand for those who have not struggled with it, that is even perceived by many as a spiritual deficiency

I never want another missionary woman (or any other woman) to go through this struggle alone, hiding from those who could pray and truly help. Because Satan keeps our secrets in dark and lonely places, but Christ pulls back the curtains we hide behind and sheds healing light on every surreptitious shadow. For me, it is time for healing.

Continue to Part 1


  1. I'm so proud of you for being real and raw! The world needs to see more of the "real" us, and understand that without Jesus, we really couldn't do any of this!
    I'm getting ready to post some realness about our life this past year myself, so thank you for the encouragement that we do indeed need to be real. Not only does it give us an opportunity to minister to others who have gone through or will go through the same things, but it also gives others an opportunity to minister to us. That's one of the many ways God loves us...through sending others to help us!
    Can't wait to read more! Praying for you guys as always!

    1. Kara, You are such an encouragement! I'm looking forward to reading about your year!

  2. I went the five years, like my Chris and I planned, on birth control. Though I didn't have side effects like you, I was so grieved when my M. friend gently told me that the Pill does more than prevent fertilization. I researched it and sure enough, she (and you) were totally right. I've always been avidly pro-life...what had we done? I will never know. But I was angry at the Church for not telling this dirty little secret (or are they willfully ignorant?). And Chris and I were angry that we were so blind too. We've never been on the Pill since but I tell everyone I know who is on it or contemplating it. Thanks for helping get the word out.