|Yes. That was the wall of my bedroom in high school. I wanted it to look like mud...|
Becoming a church-supported, newsletter-writing missionary changed all that. I began to feel like I could not share my struggles with others because they would stop supporting us, not understand, or think I was unqualified to serve in this capacity. On the other hand, I began to feel like I needed to share struggles because if I didn't, people would think we weren't really sacrificing like REAL missionaries do.
I couldn't share too much. I had to make sure that in the sharing I ended on a positive note, one that left the person I was talking to inspired by my apparent amazingness in the face of such hardship. One that left that person impressed-
not supportive in the true sense of the word...
Now, after almost 5 years on the field, I am have felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to share a little secret I have been hiding
-Because I am more worried about how this will reflect on me and not how I can encourage and help others who might have dealt with this
-Because I don't want to admit to struggling with something that is hard to understand for those who have not struggled with it, that is even perceived by many as a spiritual deficiency
I never want another missionary woman (or any other woman) to go through this struggle alone, hiding from those who could pray and truly help. Because Satan keeps our secrets in dark and lonely places, but Christ pulls back the curtains we hide behind and sheds healing light on every surreptitious shadow. For me, it is time for healing.
Continue to Part 1